Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

The next review in the Teleport City espionage festival is up and it is Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever written by David Thomas.

In addition, some exciting news just in from Teleport City HQ. The communique reads:

I know I’m not the only one around here who was a big fan of David Thomas’ cult film review site STEAMED PRAWN BUNS, and I know I’m not the only one who has been lamenting its passing. Well, after an exchange of bribes, some kidnapping, blackmail, and a shootout that took place over a series of rooftops and terraced trails lined with lemon trees and olives in Cinque Terre, Italy, Dave has been kind enough to let Teleport City give his reviews a new home.

Starting…NOW…we’ll be reposting Dave’s reviews at Teleport City, with they’re very own Steamed Prawn Buns tag so you can dig them all up as they appear. I’m pretty psyched that he’s letting us do this, and hell…maybe we’ll even sneak a new review or two out of him if he isn’t too busy with the Royal Wedding.

My memories of Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever are hazy at best, and not particularly favourable, but enough time has passed, that I think that I should watch it again. Not that I expect that time will have improved it, but any film with Lucy Liu and Talisa Soto in it cannot be all bad. Can it?

Here’s a snippet from Dave T’s review of Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever:

There is much discussion among film aficionados as to what is the worst videogame to movie adaptation. For some, it’s the unloved sequel Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Others speak of the searing pain of Super Mario Brothers. Based on the poor box office and critical brickbats that came its way, 2002’s Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever seemed determined to give them all a run for their money. Given that the movie is based on of all things a Gameboy game, it was obvious from the get-go that the screenwriters were going to have to create the plot from scratch. What they came up with was the old ‘rogue agent gone bad, burned-out agent reluctantly returns to track her down’ chestnut, but were able to add a few utterly baffling twists of their own.

To read the full review, click here.

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  1. After reading Dave T’s description (and he deserves a lot of credit for probably writing the most words that have ever been written about this movie), I was shocked when I got to the end of the review and he revealed that he liked didn’t hate the movie! I guess I see his point about Lucy Liu, but not enough that I’m going to to rewatch this one. I honestly think Ecks vs. Sever might be the worst spy movie I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen a lot of the same utter drek that you have! But off the top of my head, I can only think of Spies A-Go-Go to give it a run for its money. I never thought that anything with that much machine gun fire could POSSIBLY be THAT boring until I saw Ballistic!

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